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The name is Elaine or Ien or Pssst or Hoy ...or whatever suits you
...from the city of Davao
...26 with fine lines and wrinkles already
...short-haired, two-eyed na! (thanks to constact lenses), right-handed, flat-footed
...wants to be a Buddhist and a United Nations interpreter someday
...confused about life in general
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Wednesday, December 21
Chasing What Ifs
last month i did the biggest what if of my life... i took the UP law aptitude exam (LAE). i have been dreaming (sometimes "nightmaring") about it. this dream started when i was still in grade school. i wrote in my own autograph that my ambition is "to become an architect or lawyer." my mom, during one of her trips to manila, brought me home a t-shirt with the definition of lawyer on it (brainwashing me i suppose). i forgot all about it when i got in UP arki. but people like atty. eddie valdez (my philo I professor) and ray quilop (my political science professor) would somehow remind me of it. when i graduated college, i took an application form. never got to submit it or even fill it out. i didn't have 900PhP to spare to chase this "what if" at that time. besides, i said yes to my mom's request to (at least) take the board exam. after the board, you can do anything you want, she said. the next year (2003), i took another application form. this time i was already relocated to davao city by november (the LAE month) and i was just starting a career in teaching. again, i didn't send it in. last year (2004), i downloaded an application form the web. i had the money. i knew everything about the process of application. what happened? i FORGOT to do it! i just said, what the heck! i am blazing in my chosen career. this "what if" will eventually fade... very soon... i hope. this year, i was haunted by the same desire or obsession (not really passion).
para matigil lang talaga ito, i sent my application early november. i didn't study for the exam. sabi ko, if this is really where i should be, hindi dapat ine-effort-an 'to. i know, parang nagwaldas lang ako ng 1,100PhP (yes, an increase of P200 in 3 years) sa ginawa ko, pero at least this way, i would know my real aptitude. hindi ako makatulog the night before. i mean, hello guys, this is it! ang pinakahihintay ko after all these years! exam day came. there were only 20 of us, mostly undergrads from UP mindanao. ano'ng nangyari after? umiyak ako nang ga-balde! ang hirap ng puta! mga words sa vocabulary ay hindi ko pa naririnig ever. ang abstract reasoning ay super abstract, either walang sagot o lahat sagot. ang math ay pang genius speed -kaya naman pero sobrang daming items. at ang essay, men, kalahati ng oras sulat-bura lang ako. 5 mins before the time ko pa lang naisip ang gusto ko talagang isulat. to make the sad story short, i think my "what if" ends with that exam. looking at the bright side, at least, i won't be thinking about it anymore. siguro, first two weeks after the exam, naiiyak pa rin ako. pero ngayon, ok na. nai-blog ko na nga eh. =)
hindi ako nagsisisi na kumuha ako ng LAE. kung bumagsak ako, expected. i conclude that LAE is not for the faintest of hearts like mine. but i truly suggest chasing your "what ifs"... may urge at rush na hindi mo maintindihan when you're at that moment. unfortunately, i don't have a "what if" for a second try at LAE, para at least sya lang ang nag-iisang "moment" ko. hehehe
last month i did the biggest what if of my life... i took the UP law aptitude exam (LAE). i have been dreaming (sometimes "nightmaring") about it. this dream started when i was still in grade school. i wrote in my own autograph that my ambition is "to become an architect or lawyer." my mom, during one of her trips to manila, brought me home a t-shirt with the definition of lawyer on it (brainwashing me i suppose). i forgot all about it when i got in UP arki. but people like atty. eddie valdez (my philo I professor) and ray quilop (my political science professor) would somehow remind me of it. when i graduated college, i took an application form. never got to submit it or even fill it out. i didn't have 900PhP to spare to chase this "what if" at that time. besides, i said yes to my mom's request to (at least) take the board exam. after the board, you can do anything you want, she said. the next year (2003), i took another application form. this time i was already relocated to davao city by november (the LAE month) and i was just starting a career in teaching. again, i didn't send it in. last year (2004), i downloaded an application form the web. i had the money. i knew everything about the process of application. what happened? i FORGOT to do it! i just said, what the heck! i am blazing in my chosen career. this "what if" will eventually fade... very soon... i hope. this year, i was haunted by the same desire or obsession (not really passion).
para matigil lang talaga ito, i sent my application early november. i didn't study for the exam. sabi ko, if this is really where i should be, hindi dapat ine-effort-an 'to. i know, parang nagwaldas lang ako ng 1,100PhP (yes, an increase of P200 in 3 years) sa ginawa ko, pero at least this way, i would know my real aptitude. hindi ako makatulog the night before. i mean, hello guys, this is it! ang pinakahihintay ko after all these years! exam day came. there were only 20 of us, mostly undergrads from UP mindanao. ano'ng nangyari after? umiyak ako nang ga-balde! ang hirap ng puta! mga words sa vocabulary ay hindi ko pa naririnig ever. ang abstract reasoning ay super abstract, either walang sagot o lahat sagot. ang math ay pang genius speed -kaya naman pero sobrang daming items. at ang essay, men, kalahati ng oras sulat-bura lang ako. 5 mins before the time ko pa lang naisip ang gusto ko talagang isulat. to make the sad story short, i think my "what if" ends with that exam. looking at the bright side, at least, i won't be thinking about it anymore. siguro, first two weeks after the exam, naiiyak pa rin ako. pero ngayon, ok na. nai-blog ko na nga eh. =)
hindi ako nagsisisi na kumuha ako ng LAE. kung bumagsak ako, expected. i conclude that LAE is not for the faintest of hearts like mine. but i truly suggest chasing your "what ifs"... may urge at rush na hindi mo maintindihan when you're at that moment. unfortunately, i don't have a "what if" for a second try at LAE, para at least sya lang ang nag-iisang "moment" ko. hehehe
Monday, December 19
Eprot Blog, I Like
i'm a blog stalker. those auto-send messages friendster sends me are truly sulit. i click on every link and very often i find empty blogs. lately, my friends have been diligent in filling their blogs with updates, song lyrics, and what have you. i think it has something to do with the coming vacation. y'know, with vacation, friends will have more time to read your blogs... or in my case, to stalk blogs.
naiintriga ako sa blog ni Jeff. The lovesick dod (Davaoeno term for "dude" according to Cass) is head over heels inlababu with his sister's bestfriend. Grabe! it's the best blog-novela i've ever read. been following the story for a couple of months now. read the whole thing from start to the latest post in 30 minutes only. now, don't get too excited to click the link, baka ma-disappoint ka lang.
let me tell you something about jeff... or at least how i perceive the guy. i think he's very smart, judging by how he writes and how he narrates his everyday activities. very verbose and articulate. i think he's filthy rich. i mean, who could go to other countries or afford his own bachelor's pad? he's also a bit mayabang. but hey, who's not mayabang in their blogs, anyway? to make the long description short, he's every bit a boyfriend material. but he thinks otherwise... well, at least, for just one girl - Marga.
like any lovefool, he agonizes over the perpetual dilemma of human affection - that is loving someone you can't have. he claims he's not a loser and he'll probably deny he's eprot (if he even knows the word). but the mere existence of his blog makes me think he's one. latest developments, however, show that he might win this battle. well if he does, i'll probably stop reading his entries... not because i don't like them for each other, but because i don't like happy endings. anyhow, i'm personally delighted by the comments of his avid blog fans. yes, this guy has a following. he posts amusing one-liners from them, as if showing gratitude for the instant stardom he's now getting. oh yes, he is a star.
don't get me wrong. i like the blog, the story. not the guy. if i'm some diaz-abaya, i'll make this one the pinoy version of dawson's creek. speaking of dawson's creek, i remember this one episode when they were watching "Age of Innocence" inside dawson's room. the conversation went something like this...
Joey: I wonder what sick part of me thrives on movies with these kinds of love stories.
Dawson: The ones that end unhappily?
Joey: No. The kinds that never really end. I mean, think about it. To continue loving somebody even though there's no chance of that love ever thriving... that's romance.
Dawson: That is tragedy.
Joey: Not all love stories have a built in happy ending, Dawson.
Dawson: But why revel in the ones that don't?
Joey: I'm sorry...sad stories are just more powerful... I prefer them.
...me too, Joey. me too.
i'm a blog stalker. those auto-send messages friendster sends me are truly sulit. i click on every link and very often i find empty blogs. lately, my friends have been diligent in filling their blogs with updates, song lyrics, and what have you. i think it has something to do with the coming vacation. y'know, with vacation, friends will have more time to read your blogs... or in my case, to stalk blogs.
naiintriga ako sa blog ni Jeff. The lovesick dod (Davaoeno term for "dude" according to Cass) is head over heels inlababu with his sister's bestfriend. Grabe! it's the best blog-novela i've ever read. been following the story for a couple of months now. read the whole thing from start to the latest post in 30 minutes only. now, don't get too excited to click the link, baka ma-disappoint ka lang.
let me tell you something about jeff... or at least how i perceive the guy. i think he's very smart, judging by how he writes and how he narrates his everyday activities. very verbose and articulate. i think he's filthy rich. i mean, who could go to other countries or afford his own bachelor's pad? he's also a bit mayabang. but hey, who's not mayabang in their blogs, anyway? to make the long description short, he's every bit a boyfriend material. but he thinks otherwise... well, at least, for just one girl - Marga.
like any lovefool, he agonizes over the perpetual dilemma of human affection - that is loving someone you can't have. he claims he's not a loser and he'll probably deny he's eprot (if he even knows the word). but the mere existence of his blog makes me think he's one. latest developments, however, show that he might win this battle. well if he does, i'll probably stop reading his entries... not because i don't like them for each other, but because i don't like happy endings. anyhow, i'm personally delighted by the comments of his avid blog fans. yes, this guy has a following. he posts amusing one-liners from them, as if showing gratitude for the instant stardom he's now getting. oh yes, he is a star.
don't get me wrong. i like the blog, the story. not the guy. if i'm some diaz-abaya, i'll make this one the pinoy version of dawson's creek. speaking of dawson's creek, i remember this one episode when they were watching "Age of Innocence" inside dawson's room. the conversation went something like this...
Joey: I wonder what sick part of me thrives on movies with these kinds of love stories.
Dawson: The ones that end unhappily?
Joey: No. The kinds that never really end. I mean, think about it. To continue loving somebody even though there's no chance of that love ever thriving... that's romance.
Dawson: That is tragedy.
Joey: Not all love stories have a built in happy ending, Dawson.
Dawson: But why revel in the ones that don't?
Joey: I'm sorry...sad stories are just more powerful... I prefer them.
...me too, Joey. me too.
Friday, December 16
Wishlist and Giftlist
here's my ultimate list at sana hindi na madagdagan pa ever (especially yung giftlist....hehehe):
GIFTLIST:
1. Jars of Clay CD for Mich, my ateneo engineering division manita. gusto nya yung first CD, circa 1995. of course, hindi ko sya tinanong harap-harapan. may spy ako syempre... hehehe! naisip kong, fart! saan ako maghahanap ng ganun?! first of all, hindi sila mainstream band (i think). second, hindi ako fan ng band. third, baka wala ng kopya yung CD na yun. buti na lang may House of Praise... yung christian music store chorva sa malls. hehehe
2. White Parker ballpen and signpen for UAP monito (who turned out to be Manny!). eto'ng ayaw ko sa mga on-the-spot bunutan, kailangan unisex ang gift. hindi mo alam kung sosyalin dapat o pwede na yung chipipay (or pirated) version yung bibilhin mo. in my case, yung sosyalin na lang binili ko kase malamang naman propesyonal yung mabubunot ko. white na lang din pinili kong kulay kase very nuetral ang dating.
3. CD na may case at naglalaman ng mga favorite kong MP3's para sa monito ko sa UP-Min humanities division exchange gift. una sa lahat, sino'ng hinayupak ang nakapag-isip na P20 lang ang dapat halaga ng gift na ibibigay? sabi pa, walang labis at walang kulang. ipapakita rin namin ang resibo ng binili namin. ang gift ko, P11 ang CD na Spongebob. P6 ang case. so may P3 pa akong ipapambili ng gift tag. hehehe ayos!
4. 4-SM Movie Passes for my CHSS on-the-spot-bunutan monito. P75 and minimum. i could just give him/her two passes pero baka hindi nya masyado maalala yung pinanoond nya, at least pwede nyang panoorin ulet. hehehe... tapos apat (4) para at least makapagdala sya ng date. hehehe!
5. eto pinaka-mahal na regalo so far... HK Disneyland ticket for Lex. grabe! butas agad bulsa ko, pero he deserves every centavo! luvyah, Lex!
6. MP3 player na may laman na favorite songs nya for Ate Lala. malas lang nya, pinanganak syang 2 days before christmas, kaya xmas at bday gift ko na yun, all in one. hehehe! siguro i-treat ko sya ng dinner sa bday nya o libre ko sya ng 1 whole day of kayaking sa samal island. papipiliin ko na lang sya.
... yun pa lang ang sure na ipapamigay ko (o pinamigay ko na). yung iba, kisses, hugs, greeting cards, at world peace na lang. hehehe!
WISHLIST:
1. Books o kahit architectural magazines (parinig kay pon...hehe)
2. Kikay stuff sa buhok. fyi, super haba na ng hair ko literally speaking. wala pa akong balak ipaputol ito.
3. g-mail account. 1 gig na rin naman ang yahoo, pero gusto ko kase makita kung anong itsura ng gmail inbox-outbox etchos. hehehe!
4. Pictures sa mga digicam ng mga tao-tao. pictures na andun ako ha. may mga ocassions kase na nakiki-singit lang ako sa mga kodakan ng mga may digicam. this is the time to forward them to me as gifts and save money for yourself.
5. Anything that is eraserheads related. pictures, lumang casette tapes, autograph nila ely, buddy, marcus at raymond. kahit tissue na siningahan nila. hehehe joke!
6. post-it or stick-on pads, any size and color will do. nagiging makakalimutin kase ako lately, kaya very useful ito for me para maging organized kahit konti.
... o di ba, super affordable yung mga hinihingi ko. pwede nga hindi na kayo gumastos. pero kung ayaw o hindi nyo 'to maibibigay, ok na rin for me ang world peace.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!
here's my ultimate list at sana hindi na madagdagan pa ever (especially yung giftlist....hehehe):
GIFTLIST:
1. Jars of Clay CD for Mich, my ateneo engineering division manita. gusto nya yung first CD, circa 1995. of course, hindi ko sya tinanong harap-harapan. may spy ako syempre... hehehe! naisip kong, fart! saan ako maghahanap ng ganun?! first of all, hindi sila mainstream band (i think). second, hindi ako fan ng band. third, baka wala ng kopya yung CD na yun. buti na lang may House of Praise... yung christian music store chorva sa malls. hehehe
2. White Parker ballpen and signpen for UAP monito (who turned out to be Manny!). eto'ng ayaw ko sa mga on-the-spot bunutan, kailangan unisex ang gift. hindi mo alam kung sosyalin dapat o pwede na yung chipipay (or pirated) version yung bibilhin mo. in my case, yung sosyalin na lang binili ko kase malamang naman propesyonal yung mabubunot ko. white na lang din pinili kong kulay kase very nuetral ang dating.
3. CD na may case at naglalaman ng mga favorite kong MP3's para sa monito ko sa UP-Min humanities division exchange gift. una sa lahat, sino'ng hinayupak ang nakapag-isip na P20 lang ang dapat halaga ng gift na ibibigay? sabi pa, walang labis at walang kulang. ipapakita rin namin ang resibo ng binili namin. ang gift ko, P11 ang CD na Spongebob. P6 ang case. so may P3 pa akong ipapambili ng gift tag. hehehe ayos!
4. 4-SM Movie Passes for my CHSS on-the-spot-bunutan monito. P75 and minimum. i could just give him/her two passes pero baka hindi nya masyado maalala yung pinanoond nya, at least pwede nyang panoorin ulet. hehehe... tapos apat (4) para at least makapagdala sya ng date. hehehe!
5. eto pinaka-mahal na regalo so far... HK Disneyland ticket for Lex. grabe! butas agad bulsa ko, pero he deserves every centavo! luvyah, Lex!
6. MP3 player na may laman na favorite songs nya for Ate Lala. malas lang nya, pinanganak syang 2 days before christmas, kaya xmas at bday gift ko na yun, all in one. hehehe! siguro i-treat ko sya ng dinner sa bday nya o libre ko sya ng 1 whole day of kayaking sa samal island. papipiliin ko na lang sya.
... yun pa lang ang sure na ipapamigay ko (o pinamigay ko na). yung iba, kisses, hugs, greeting cards, at world peace na lang. hehehe!
WISHLIST:
1. Books o kahit architectural magazines (parinig kay pon...hehe)
2. Kikay stuff sa buhok. fyi, super haba na ng hair ko literally speaking. wala pa akong balak ipaputol ito.
3. g-mail account. 1 gig na rin naman ang yahoo, pero gusto ko kase makita kung anong itsura ng gmail inbox-outbox etchos. hehehe!
4. Pictures sa mga digicam ng mga tao-tao. pictures na andun ako ha. may mga ocassions kase na nakiki-singit lang ako sa mga kodakan ng mga may digicam. this is the time to forward them to me as gifts and save money for yourself.
5. Anything that is eraserheads related. pictures, lumang casette tapes, autograph nila ely, buddy, marcus at raymond. kahit tissue na siningahan nila. hehehe joke!
6. post-it or stick-on pads, any size and color will do. nagiging makakalimutin kase ako lately, kaya very useful ito for me para maging organized kahit konti.
... o di ba, super affordable yung mga hinihingi ko. pwede nga hindi na kayo gumastos. pero kung ayaw o hindi nyo 'to maibibigay, ok na rin for me ang world peace.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!