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The name is Elaine or Ien or Pssst or Hoy ...or whatever suits you
...from the city of Davao
...26 with fine lines and wrinkles already
...short-haired, two-eyed na! (thanks to constact lenses), right-handed, flat-footed
...wants to be a Buddhist and a United Nations interpreter someday
...confused about life in general
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Tuesday, November 29
Reunion
no, it's not yet time. our batch still has 2 years before our 10th year. but i found myself taking a cab to my high school this morning. mukhang napa-aga homecoming ko. apparently, my mentor (yes, the one who signed my logbook before board exam) is in davao city. someone just texted me saying, "pumunta ka dito ngayon din!" tell me that does not sound "emergency-like". tell me that it's just me remembering my apprenticeship days when i had to follow her every order and request like a puppy. tell me i'm just excited to meet her... not! and so i got my butt there and wondered why i even have to skip a class to meet her. i mean, we never had the best working relationship and she never taught me anything. she just left me at the construction site, ordered me to give weekly reports, and instructed me to wear ma-ong for work the next day. for my whole apprenticeship, i can count with my fingers the number of times i saw her... chirstmas 2003 (just to deliver my gift), christmas 2002, signing of logbook, paalam for the "board exam leave", one site inspection together, first day of work, and interview. oh wait! interview day was also the first day of work. so a grand total of 6 meetings! wowowee!
and so why am i even meeting her?! i called that "someone" who texted me. i asked, of course, who she is. turned out it was Mrs. Amiscua, one of my high school teachers. she said, "VP *insert mentor's name* is looking for you (ok, now she's already the VP of my alma mater!). she will leave for manila tonight. so if you're not busy (oh please! i'm freaking busy!), please drop by the conference room (conference room? what conference room?). she wants us to meet her "super galing" apprentice (huh? sarcastic ba yun?!)." ...siguro dala na rin ng "utang na loob," i went to see her.
everything's different. the campus has so much cemented pathways (dati aspalto lang). when i entered the HS building, i was greeted by stares and lounges... lots of lounges! it already has a trophy room. the registration office is now a lounge. and then, by the corner, there's the conference room. i entered the room. there were 7 people doing different things, not noticing me enter the room. hello? am i invisible? alam ko na ang feeling ng multo...hehehe. and then i found her, my mentor. tumanda sya. puro uban na ang buhok. she was searching the drawings in her laptop, lifting her thick eyeglasses as if her vision has greyed as well. i tapped her shoulder.
"uy, elaine! how are you, dear? it's been years..."
"no ma'am, just a year (ang pasaway ko talaga!hehehe). so what brings you here? kelan lang dating nyo?"
"i've been telling everybody here you were a very good apprentice.
(oh gosh! how embarrassing! kill me!... notice that she didn't even asnwer my question)
blah, blah, blurb, blurb, yada, yada... i was lost in translation.
the reunion ended well. i got a different image of her when i left the room. i guess i just didn't spend much personal time and chika-chika with her when i was still her apprentice to really know her essence. she was a very busy person back then, and she still is now. i'm really happy i dropped by. kahit short encounter lang (with an alien...hehehe), it felt familiar and warm (and weird at the same time). makes me think, when will i see her again?
no, it's not yet time. our batch still has 2 years before our 10th year. but i found myself taking a cab to my high school this morning. mukhang napa-aga homecoming ko. apparently, my mentor (yes, the one who signed my logbook before board exam) is in davao city. someone just texted me saying, "pumunta ka dito ngayon din!" tell me that does not sound "emergency-like". tell me that it's just me remembering my apprenticeship days when i had to follow her every order and request like a puppy. tell me i'm just excited to meet her... not! and so i got my butt there and wondered why i even have to skip a class to meet her. i mean, we never had the best working relationship and she never taught me anything. she just left me at the construction site, ordered me to give weekly reports, and instructed me to wear ma-ong for work the next day. for my whole apprenticeship, i can count with my fingers the number of times i saw her... chirstmas 2003 (just to deliver my gift), christmas 2002, signing of logbook, paalam for the "board exam leave", one site inspection together, first day of work, and interview. oh wait! interview day was also the first day of work. so a grand total of 6 meetings! wowowee!
and so why am i even meeting her?! i called that "someone" who texted me. i asked, of course, who she is. turned out it was Mrs. Amiscua, one of my high school teachers. she said, "VP *insert mentor's name* is looking for you (ok, now she's already the VP of my alma mater!). she will leave for manila tonight. so if you're not busy (oh please! i'm freaking busy!), please drop by the conference room (conference room? what conference room?). she wants us to meet her "super galing" apprentice (huh? sarcastic ba yun?!)." ...siguro dala na rin ng "utang na loob," i went to see her.
everything's different. the campus has so much cemented pathways (dati aspalto lang). when i entered the HS building, i was greeted by stares and lounges... lots of lounges! it already has a trophy room. the registration office is now a lounge. and then, by the corner, there's the conference room. i entered the room. there were 7 people doing different things, not noticing me enter the room. hello? am i invisible? alam ko na ang feeling ng multo...hehehe. and then i found her, my mentor. tumanda sya. puro uban na ang buhok. she was searching the drawings in her laptop, lifting her thick eyeglasses as if her vision has greyed as well. i tapped her shoulder.
"uy, elaine! how are you, dear? it's been years..."
"no ma'am, just a year (ang pasaway ko talaga!hehehe). so what brings you here? kelan lang dating nyo?"
"i've been telling everybody here you were a very good apprentice.
(oh gosh! how embarrassing! kill me!... notice that she didn't even asnwer my question)
blah, blah, blurb, blurb, yada, yada... i was lost in translation.
the reunion ended well. i got a different image of her when i left the room. i guess i just didn't spend much personal time and chika-chika with her when i was still her apprentice to really know her essence. she was a very busy person back then, and she still is now. i'm really happy i dropped by. kahit short encounter lang (with an alien...hehehe), it felt familiar and warm (and weird at the same time). makes me think, when will i see her again?
Wednesday, November 23
Thursday, November 17
Time to Move On
i think i've stayed long enough in my current job to know that this is not what i want to do for the rest of my life. i have a new "passion"... and i will pusue it no matter what. i can already see sleepless nights, smell hunger and thirst, and feel outright depression and discouragement. there's probably nothing (a dead-end) at the end of the tunnel. i'll probably get tired of it someday. but i would not know that if i don't go for it, would i? this would probably even take forever to accomplish... but i don't care. hindi ko na muna ibubulgar kung ano ito. malalaman nyo na lang sa TV (hehehe). basta, para ito sa pamilya at mga kaibigan ko, at para sa pilipinas (charing!)
sa pag-ibig, pwede ang torpe. sa buhay, hindi pwede.
i think i've stayed long enough in my current job to know that this is not what i want to do for the rest of my life. i have a new "passion"... and i will pusue it no matter what. i can already see sleepless nights, smell hunger and thirst, and feel outright depression and discouragement. there's probably nothing (a dead-end) at the end of the tunnel. i'll probably get tired of it someday. but i would not know that if i don't go for it, would i? this would probably even take forever to accomplish... but i don't care. hindi ko na muna ibubulgar kung ano ito. malalaman nyo na lang sa TV (hehehe). basta, para ito sa pamilya at mga kaibigan ko, at para sa pilipinas (charing!)
sa pag-ibig, pwede ang torpe. sa buhay, hindi pwede.
Wednesday, November 16
I-boycott ang PBB
Gaguhan na ito! At first, ayoko pa maniwala noong sinabing "rigged" ang PBB. pero ano 'to? Tama ba? Makatarungan ba? Mukhang pinapatunayan ng mga recent developments ng show ang mga tsismis noon na simula pa lang alam na kung sino mananalo. Take note: Cass and Uma are still in the house. Sila yung mga pinaghihinalaang gustong ipapanalo ng mga executives ng ABS. Posible ba 'to? Tingnan natin ang mga kabulastugang ginagawa ng ABS para mangyari 'to.
Si Franzen ay tumatabo sa votes. 3 beses na na-nominate, pero di ma-evict-evict. Pasaway si Franzen. Kung dahil ba dito kaya gusto siya ng mga tao, hindi natin alam. Basta ang alam natin from last week, isa na lang na violation, evicted na siya. No, contest about it. O sya sige, kung nasa rule book yan, fine! At nag-violate nga siya muli. Obviously, malinaw pa sa sikat ng araw, kailangan tanggal na siya. Wala na dapat pa-effect o paninirang puri. Di na dapat pinatagal pa. Hindi na dapat pinapakinggan ang mga voluntary eviction na pinag-sasabi ni Cass. Pero bakit nila ito ginawa? Dahil nga naman gaganda ang papel ni Cass sa mga manonood. Wala na dapat voting na mangyari. Sa mga voters dyan, gumising na kayo sa katotohanan na pinagka-kwartahan lang kayo ng mga Lopez! Kung anu-anong merchandise at pagkakawang-gawa kunwari, pero ang puno't dulo ay "money-making" at ratings lang ang habol nito. Ano pa nga ba? Ang kawalang-hiyaan lang naman ay pinalabas pang masama ang tao. Pinalabas pang mapag-linlang, mapag-kunwari. Ipinakita na ang pag-iyak ay isang normal na bagay para kay Franzen at ito ay maaari nyang gawin dahil "sya ay umaarte lamang." Kung lahat ng mga housemates ay magiging artista pagka-labas nila sa bahay ni kuya, masasabi kong pinatay na nila ang career ni Franzen, hindi pa man ito nagsisimula. Ka-hunghangan din na gawing artista ang lahat ng housemates. Walang talent ang karamihan sa kanila. Hindi marunong sumayaw, maliban sa "pinoy ako" dance steps na halos araw-araw nilang sinasayaw (instant practise kumbaga!). Hindi marunong kumanta, pero ayos lang. Kung si Anne Curtis nga ay pinapakanta nila, bakit nga naman hindi yung mga housemates. Pag-arte? Pwede pa siguro... ang pa-plastik naman kase nung mga nakuha nila (special mention to Jenny and Say). Going back to being "rigged"... Di ba kayo nagtataka na puro "cutie" moments nila Cass at Uma ang parating pinapakita sa primetime? Tsaka tama yung na-raise na question sa kanila noong isang gabi, bakit ang sacrifices nila Franzen at Jason ay kahiya-hiya at yung sa iba naman ay sila yung pumili? FYI, hindi ginusto ni Jason na magpa-mohawk, ni hindi nga niya alam kung ano yung mohawk!
haaay, gaguhan talaga ito. minsan naisip ko bakit ko ba siansayang oras ko sa panonood nitong programang ito. dati, hindi ko kasi type yung palabas sa kabila (Sassy Girl:Chun Yang), pero kagabi pinanood ko yung Jewel in the Palace. Maganda pala ito. May values. Interesting ang culture ng Koreans(di tulad ng culture na pinapakita ng PBB... bulok!). Simula ngayon (at sana mabasa ito ng mga hinayupak na ka-pamilya), hindi na ako manonood ng PBB! Gaguhan!
(umuusok na ang ilong ko sa galit)
Gaguhan na ito! At first, ayoko pa maniwala noong sinabing "rigged" ang PBB. pero ano 'to? Tama ba? Makatarungan ba? Mukhang pinapatunayan ng mga recent developments ng show ang mga tsismis noon na simula pa lang alam na kung sino mananalo. Take note: Cass and Uma are still in the house. Sila yung mga pinaghihinalaang gustong ipapanalo ng mga executives ng ABS. Posible ba 'to? Tingnan natin ang mga kabulastugang ginagawa ng ABS para mangyari 'to.
Si Franzen ay tumatabo sa votes. 3 beses na na-nominate, pero di ma-evict-evict. Pasaway si Franzen. Kung dahil ba dito kaya gusto siya ng mga tao, hindi natin alam. Basta ang alam natin from last week, isa na lang na violation, evicted na siya. No, contest about it. O sya sige, kung nasa rule book yan, fine! At nag-violate nga siya muli. Obviously, malinaw pa sa sikat ng araw, kailangan tanggal na siya. Wala na dapat pa-effect o paninirang puri. Di na dapat pinatagal pa. Hindi na dapat pinapakinggan ang mga voluntary eviction na pinag-sasabi ni Cass. Pero bakit nila ito ginawa? Dahil nga naman gaganda ang papel ni Cass sa mga manonood. Wala na dapat voting na mangyari. Sa mga voters dyan, gumising na kayo sa katotohanan na pinagka-kwartahan lang kayo ng mga Lopez! Kung anu-anong merchandise at pagkakawang-gawa kunwari, pero ang puno't dulo ay "money-making" at ratings lang ang habol nito. Ano pa nga ba? Ang kawalang-hiyaan lang naman ay pinalabas pang masama ang tao. Pinalabas pang mapag-linlang, mapag-kunwari. Ipinakita na ang pag-iyak ay isang normal na bagay para kay Franzen at ito ay maaari nyang gawin dahil "sya ay umaarte lamang." Kung lahat ng mga housemates ay magiging artista pagka-labas nila sa bahay ni kuya, masasabi kong pinatay na nila ang career ni Franzen, hindi pa man ito nagsisimula. Ka-hunghangan din na gawing artista ang lahat ng housemates. Walang talent ang karamihan sa kanila. Hindi marunong sumayaw, maliban sa "pinoy ako" dance steps na halos araw-araw nilang sinasayaw (instant practise kumbaga!). Hindi marunong kumanta, pero ayos lang. Kung si Anne Curtis nga ay pinapakanta nila, bakit nga naman hindi yung mga housemates. Pag-arte? Pwede pa siguro... ang pa-plastik naman kase nung mga nakuha nila (special mention to Jenny and Say). Going back to being "rigged"... Di ba kayo nagtataka na puro "cutie" moments nila Cass at Uma ang parating pinapakita sa primetime? Tsaka tama yung na-raise na question sa kanila noong isang gabi, bakit ang sacrifices nila Franzen at Jason ay kahiya-hiya at yung sa iba naman ay sila yung pumili? FYI, hindi ginusto ni Jason na magpa-mohawk, ni hindi nga niya alam kung ano yung mohawk!
haaay, gaguhan talaga ito. minsan naisip ko bakit ko ba siansayang oras ko sa panonood nitong programang ito. dati, hindi ko kasi type yung palabas sa kabila (Sassy Girl:Chun Yang), pero kagabi pinanood ko yung Jewel in the Palace. Maganda pala ito. May values. Interesting ang culture ng Koreans(di tulad ng culture na pinapakita ng PBB... bulok!). Simula ngayon (at sana mabasa ito ng mga hinayupak na ka-pamilya), hindi na ako manonood ng PBB! Gaguhan!
(umuusok na ang ilong ko sa galit)
Monday, November 14
Free Cut
transport strike, my ass! i'm a PUV commuter. and the fact that i got in my 7am class on time means it's possible for everyone to go to school/work today. at nag-jeep pa ako sa lagay na yan ha! syet! eh di mag-taxi ka, maki-hitch, wadever! punyeta! ang tatamad ng mga pilipino! lahat gustong i-daan sa welga. lahat dinadaan sa "no classes" o "special non-working holiday". leche! lahat may okasyon. lahat nirereklamo. kulang na lang pati pag-utot ni GMA pagwelgahan at gawing holiday! i know i should be happy about not getting stressed out (even just for today), but this has been happening like it's the usual. nakaka-badtrip lang talaga.
since we're already given this unsolicited free cut, i decided to look for my missing ID... in davao city hall!!! it's like looking for a needle in a haystack! but guess what, i found it! hahaha... ang bait ni Lord! actually, ganun lang mga taga-Davao. walang pakialamanan. you'll find things where and how you left it.
today is also my first day of oprah diet. i made a contract to myself last weekend. first rule is not to skip breakfast... and i did not. but i ate pancakes, and that violated the second rule which is not to eat white refined carbs. oh well, i'll try (pramis!) to stick to it without jeopardizing my happiness. pancakes=happiness... sowee, oprah. hehehe
i got to chat with my sisters for 2 hours (through YM). we had the most "walang kwenta" chat ever. my mom even joined in. we joked her about the philippines being under martial rule right now and me being an active member of akbayan (duh, like as if!). she almost freaked out. hahaha. pero medyo bad joke for a mom... i guess free cuts are not so bad after all. hehehe
transport strike, my ass! i'm a PUV commuter. and the fact that i got in my 7am class on time means it's possible for everyone to go to school/work today. at nag-jeep pa ako sa lagay na yan ha! syet! eh di mag-taxi ka, maki-hitch, wadever! punyeta! ang tatamad ng mga pilipino! lahat gustong i-daan sa welga. lahat dinadaan sa "no classes" o "special non-working holiday". leche! lahat may okasyon. lahat nirereklamo. kulang na lang pati pag-utot ni GMA pagwelgahan at gawing holiday! i know i should be happy about not getting stressed out (even just for today), but this has been happening like it's the usual. nakaka-badtrip lang talaga.
since we're already given this unsolicited free cut, i decided to look for my missing ID... in davao city hall!!! it's like looking for a needle in a haystack! but guess what, i found it! hahaha... ang bait ni Lord! actually, ganun lang mga taga-Davao. walang pakialamanan. you'll find things where and how you left it.
today is also my first day of oprah diet. i made a contract to myself last weekend. first rule is not to skip breakfast... and i did not. but i ate pancakes, and that violated the second rule which is not to eat white refined carbs. oh well, i'll try (pramis!) to stick to it without jeopardizing my happiness. pancakes=happiness... sowee, oprah. hehehe
i got to chat with my sisters for 2 hours (through YM). we had the most "walang kwenta" chat ever. my mom even joined in. we joked her about the philippines being under martial rule right now and me being an active member of akbayan (duh, like as if!). she almost freaked out. hahaha. pero medyo bad joke for a mom... i guess free cuts are not so bad after all. hehehe
Wednesday, November 2
Makikiuso din ba ako?
i know a lot of people (most of whom are friends) who are in a "transition" right now. some quit their jobs. others flew to other countries to work/study. and then some started their own families. and there are still others who got stuck in "thinking of going through a transition that never seem to transpire"... and i'm talking about myself here. to those who actually made their first step towards changing their lives, kudos.
i guess mid-20's is the new 40's. they say life begins at 40. that sort of "coming of life" (not only of age, but of life!) seem to be bugging us in such an early age. i, myself, feel that if i should be "great" in this lifetime, i feel i'm falling behind schedule. if i want to be the best mom, i should get married now. if i want to be the best teacher, i should get masters and phd right away. if i want to be the richest person in the world, i should enter politics next elections. joke. joke. hehehe kidding aside, i think my next step will define what i will become for the rest of my life. sinabi rin nila ito after college graduation, but only a few people took it seriously... and unfortunately,i was not one of those few people.
favorite pastime ko ngayon ang manghinayang. yeah, i know, regret is such an empty emotion. but like dreaming, it's free. and it's an effective defense mechanism for "moving on" or should i say "transiting". feeling ko ako na ang pinaka-duwag na tao sa buong mundo. i can't even go for something i really really want. even if my life depends on it, i'll probably die not doing it. sigh.
i know a lot of people (most of whom are friends) who are in a "transition" right now. some quit their jobs. others flew to other countries to work/study. and then some started their own families. and there are still others who got stuck in "thinking of going through a transition that never seem to transpire"... and i'm talking about myself here. to those who actually made their first step towards changing their lives, kudos.
i guess mid-20's is the new 40's. they say life begins at 40. that sort of "coming of life" (not only of age, but of life!) seem to be bugging us in such an early age. i, myself, feel that if i should be "great" in this lifetime, i feel i'm falling behind schedule. if i want to be the best mom, i should get married now. if i want to be the best teacher, i should get masters and phd right away. if i want to be the richest person in the world, i should enter politics next elections. joke. joke. hehehe kidding aside, i think my next step will define what i will become for the rest of my life. sinabi rin nila ito after college graduation, but only a few people took it seriously... and unfortunately,i was not one of those few people.
favorite pastime ko ngayon ang manghinayang. yeah, i know, regret is such an empty emotion. but like dreaming, it's free. and it's an effective defense mechanism for "moving on" or should i say "transiting". feeling ko ako na ang pinaka-duwag na tao sa buong mundo. i can't even go for something i really really want. even if my life depends on it, i'll probably die not doing it. sigh.