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The name is Elaine or Ien or Pssst or Hoy ...or whatever suits you
...from the city of Davao
...26 with fine lines and wrinkles already
...short-haired, two-eyed na! (thanks to constact lenses), right-handed, flat-footed
...wants to be a Buddhist and a United Nations interpreter someday
...confused about life in general
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Monday, June 27
Last Week
biggest news: Pistons lost. yeah, yeah. so what? i gotta hand it to the spurs. their bench was deep. awesome 3-point fieldgoal percentage. basically, they were pretty cool the whole final series. sinwerte din sila nung 7th game... billups was not in his element. that's 3 championships in the last 5 years for spurs. let's see what happens next season. go pistons! hehehe
we were invited to attend another "retreat" by my catholic university employer. yes, every year we are REQUIRED to attend a 3-day retreat, i dunno, for reflection, cleansing of soul, meditation, chuvanelles(?). no classes. free food. paid chismis time. plus i get to see the good-looking teachers in the campus. hehehe well, most of them are married though.
i watched batman begins. not as fancy as starwars, but great job for a movie with only a few cgi effects. the new batman didn't have the square-jawed face like that of val kilmer or george clooney, but he's still hot nonetheless. i like the story. it explained why gotham city [in the next few years] became infested with criminals. i mean, i was thinking back then, "how come all the bad guys are in gotham?" after the movie, i began to think, "did the philippine mental hospital break loose too?"... 'cause we also have a piece of gotham here, don't you think?
i attended a product presentation of a solar heater and piping system last monday. i would like to keep the product name secret [if you don't mind]. the technical manager was asked, "does the product (pipe) come in different colors [for identification of uses]?" he said earlier in his presentation that the piping system can be used for hot, cold, and even gas. but the only color shown was grey. i'm not really sure if he answered it right, but he said something like "it's the only color produced as a byproduct of polybutylene and that grey is a color of purity (?!?)" NGEK! move over chico! looks like someone has a different theory of colors. hahaha!
i just received the good news. we have a salary adjustment. yehey! i hope it's a four-digit change in my payslip. asa pa, di ba?!
biggest news: Pistons lost. yeah, yeah. so what? i gotta hand it to the spurs. their bench was deep. awesome 3-point fieldgoal percentage. basically, they were pretty cool the whole final series. sinwerte din sila nung 7th game... billups was not in his element. that's 3 championships in the last 5 years for spurs. let's see what happens next season. go pistons! hehehe
we were invited to attend another "retreat" by my catholic university employer. yes, every year we are REQUIRED to attend a 3-day retreat, i dunno, for reflection, cleansing of soul, meditation, chuvanelles(?). no classes. free food. paid chismis time. plus i get to see the good-looking teachers in the campus. hehehe well, most of them are married though.
i watched batman begins. not as fancy as starwars, but great job for a movie with only a few cgi effects. the new batman didn't have the square-jawed face like that of val kilmer or george clooney, but he's still hot nonetheless. i like the story. it explained why gotham city [in the next few years] became infested with criminals. i mean, i was thinking back then, "how come all the bad guys are in gotham?" after the movie, i began to think, "did the philippine mental hospital break loose too?"... 'cause we also have a piece of gotham here, don't you think?
i attended a product presentation of a solar heater and piping system last monday. i would like to keep the product name secret [if you don't mind]. the technical manager was asked, "does the product (pipe) come in different colors [for identification of uses]?" he said earlier in his presentation that the piping system can be used for hot, cold, and even gas. but the only color shown was grey. i'm not really sure if he answered it right, but he said something like "it's the only color produced as a byproduct of polybutylene and that grey is a color of purity (?!?)" NGEK! move over chico! looks like someone has a different theory of colors. hahaha!
i just received the good news. we have a salary adjustment. yehey! i hope it's a four-digit change in my payslip. asa pa, di ba?!
Wednesday, June 22
Thinking Out Loud [Depressed Version]
'been slacking the past few days. suddenly long-term goals have been flushed out of my system. i guess thinking [and preparing] for plan B made me forget some of my old goals. back to the drawing board kumbaga. schematic phase ulit! grrr...
maybe part of the slacker attitude can be blamed to my schedule. i'm so deloaded. TThS whole day classes... that's all the work i got. it makes me feel like an imbecile, a worthless potential. i wake up early on workdays and even earlier (around 5am) on my personal holidays (MWF that is). but that's that... i just wake up to a gloomy life. does this validate my "28-years-old theory"?
i'm thinking i'll be dead by age 28. i had that thoery since 2nd year college. in fact, most of my decisions now are based on that thoery. twisted, but i can say it's pretty possible.
my mom used to tell me to watch my diet, exercise, sleep early... blah, blah. in short, wag abusuhin katawan ko. if i'm gonna die young, at least i was able to eat what i want, do whatever i desire, and never held back on something. health and beauty is the last of my priorities. if i'm going to die because i had an early heart attack [because of too much cholesterol or alcohol] or premature overdose of something, i know i'm ready. if other people think i'm ugly and i don't get married in this lifetime, i'll be ok. besides, how many women nowadays get married before 28? not a lot. at least if i'd ever get to be rich or famous before death, i know it's more than skin-deep.
it could also be quite a consolation that i did not proceed with law school. i wouldn't be able to finish anyway or make a name out of it. i'll be dead before i can take the bar exams. they say it takes 20 years for an architect to be recognized. i'm giving myself four years to be a locsin or manosa, beat that! but i found a better opportunity... i am going to produce locsins and manosas through teaching. and when i die (and every death anniversary thereafter), they will all be visiting my grave. how's that for plan A?!
when i die, i would have paid my pension plan completely and have saved enough so my parents wont think i've abandoned them in their twilight years. i'll give it all back to them. even the doodles, paintings, sculptures, lyrics of uncomposed songs, manusripts of my unpublished books will be given to them... to make up for a future without me. and the rest of the world would have to settle with that too.
now i remember my long-term goal. i would have to "unslack" very soon. 28 years is not a long wait.
'been slacking the past few days. suddenly long-term goals have been flushed out of my system. i guess thinking [and preparing] for plan B made me forget some of my old goals. back to the drawing board kumbaga. schematic phase ulit! grrr...
maybe part of the slacker attitude can be blamed to my schedule. i'm so deloaded. TThS whole day classes... that's all the work i got. it makes me feel like an imbecile, a worthless potential. i wake up early on workdays and even earlier (around 5am) on my personal holidays (MWF that is). but that's that... i just wake up to a gloomy life. does this validate my "28-years-old theory"?
i'm thinking i'll be dead by age 28. i had that thoery since 2nd year college. in fact, most of my decisions now are based on that thoery. twisted, but i can say it's pretty possible.
my mom used to tell me to watch my diet, exercise, sleep early... blah, blah. in short, wag abusuhin katawan ko. if i'm gonna die young, at least i was able to eat what i want, do whatever i desire, and never held back on something. health and beauty is the last of my priorities. if i'm going to die because i had an early heart attack [because of too much cholesterol or alcohol] or premature overdose of something, i know i'm ready. if other people think i'm ugly and i don't get married in this lifetime, i'll be ok. besides, how many women nowadays get married before 28? not a lot. at least if i'd ever get to be rich or famous before death, i know it's more than skin-deep.
it could also be quite a consolation that i did not proceed with law school. i wouldn't be able to finish anyway or make a name out of it. i'll be dead before i can take the bar exams. they say it takes 20 years for an architect to be recognized. i'm giving myself four years to be a locsin or manosa, beat that! but i found a better opportunity... i am going to produce locsins and manosas through teaching. and when i die (and every death anniversary thereafter), they will all be visiting my grave. how's that for plan A?!
when i die, i would have paid my pension plan completely and have saved enough so my parents wont think i've abandoned them in their twilight years. i'll give it all back to them. even the doodles, paintings, sculptures, lyrics of uncomposed songs, manusripts of my unpublished books will be given to them... to make up for a future without me. and the rest of the world would have to settle with that too.
now i remember my long-term goal. i would have to "unslack" very soon. 28 years is not a long wait.
Wednesday, June 15
Poet, My Puwet!
pasensya. nagfi-feeling poet lang po....
THE NEXT BEST THING
The hallow uncertain strands
Meld yet another cloak of sorrow
Happiness 'til it dwindled
Bent 'til it broke
Unbridled and free wanderer
Never came back to fulfill destiny
Confused and absorbed present
Left more uncertain misery
Why settle for the next best thing
In the absence of satisfaction
Why cry for elusive freedom
To be crabby and stubborn
If choices are to choose
Make it leap far behind
The once best be the better
Of the next best kind.
HAPPY THOUGHTS
Sigh
Smile
Don't psychoanalyze
Replay thoughts
Remember lines
Take it as it is
Linger
Hearts aflutter
Immortalize
Hold a breath
Skip a beat
Repeat.
pasensya. nagfi-feeling poet lang po....
THE NEXT BEST THING
The hallow uncertain strands
Meld yet another cloak of sorrow
Happiness 'til it dwindled
Bent 'til it broke
Unbridled and free wanderer
Never came back to fulfill destiny
Confused and absorbed present
Left more uncertain misery
Why settle for the next best thing
In the absence of satisfaction
Why cry for elusive freedom
To be crabby and stubborn
If choices are to choose
Make it leap far behind
The once best be the better
Of the next best kind.
HAPPY THOUGHTS
Sigh
Smile
Don't psychoanalyze
Replay thoughts
Remember lines
Take it as it is
Linger
Hearts aflutter
Immortalize
Hold a breath
Skip a beat
Repeat.
Thursday, June 9
Thinking Out Loud [full edition]
Lahat na yata ng 20-something na kilala ko ngayon ay may identity crisis or something like that. i can imagine noon madali lang ang buhay dahil kokonti lang ang choices - career or pamilya, yun lang. at kokonti lang nag-iisip about career. lahat gusto magka-pamilya. ngayon, pati career may options na rin. yung kursong natapos mo will not necessarily be related to your future. ang diploma hindi na assurance for a job. kung pamilya naman ang pipiliin mo, marriage is not an assurance na tatagal kayo ng asawa mo. at pwede na magka-pamilya nang walang asawa. amazing what time can do to our society.
lahat din yata ng 20-something na kilala ko ngayon ay feeling kulang ang oras nila. kung tutuusin, hindi na pwedeng dagdagan ang oras. fixed yan, 24 hours lang talaga. saan ba nauubos ang oras nila? actually, hindi rin pwedeng maubos ang oras. fixed yan, bukas may 24 hours ulit. going back to the [rephrased] question, "saan ba nagagamit ang oras nila?" sa trabaho. sa pamilya. sa pag-unwind with friends dahil sa nakakapagod na trabaho. sa sex. ngayon lang yata ako nagbanggit ng sex sa blog ko. hahaha. sa lovelife. oo, aksaya talaga sa oras ang lovelife. sa pagnanais pa lang na magkaroon ng partner, ang daming oras na ang nasasayang. getting-to-know-you, dating, MU, relationship, break-up, minsan marriage. pero hindi na assurance ang pagkakaroon ng bf o gf na makakasal ka. sa dami ng pwedeng gawin, pwedeng hindi na matulog ang tao.
halos lahat din ng kakilala kong 20-something na nagta-trabaho ay feeling mas magaling sila sa boss nila or at least they think they can do better [given the same exposure and number of years on the job]. pero who really knows what's better? sa tingin ko dala lang yan ng age gap, stress at power. lahat nun ay directly proportional to time. hmmm, it makes me think: magiging ganun din kaya mga pananaw naten sa buhay kung tumanda tayo? lalamunin kaya tayo ng sistema kung nasa authority din tayo? palagay ko oo. at palagay ko sila rin dati ay feeling mas magaling sa mga bosses nila.
ang mga kakilala kong 20-something ay hindi nakakaipon. actually, nag-iipon sila, short term nga lang. ipon pang-bakasyon, pang-cellphone, pang-gimik, pang-date, pang-aral, pang-japorms. mas madali kase 'yon makuha compared sa pang-business, pension o bahay. ikaw, kelan ka mag-iisip bumili ng bahay? nanay ko nagka-bahay na noong 24 years old sya. ako ay 24 years old na, pero kahit hulugan hindi ko kaya. siguro dahil na rin sa ating economy. aside from pinapataas nito ang mga presyo ng bilihin, pinapaisip pa tayong mag-migrate sa ibang bansa. nakakawalang ganang mag-invest for the future sa kasalukuyang kalagayan ng Pilipinas.
karamihan ng mga 20-something na kilala ko ay feeling na mabilis silang tumanda. yung iba, kino-convince pa ang mga sarili nila na part pa rin sila ng "youth" by wearing clothes not appropriate their age o by acting like teenagers. and why not? it's a free world. pero yun na nga eh. dahil pinipigilan mo ang sarili mong mag-grow, when you get back to reality, akala mo isang dekada na ang dumaan na hindi mo namalayan. ergo, kala mo mabilis ka tumanda. ang tanong, may pinagka-tandaan ka ba?
memories, wisdom, identity, legacy... yun ang dapat pagka-tandaan natin. ito ang mga reasons kung bakit kailangan nating dumaan sa masalimuot na 20-something stage. memories - para may may maaalala ka at ang mga nakapaligid sayo pagtanda mo; mga nangyari na kapupulutan ng aral. wisdom - para may mapapangaral ka sa mga future 20-somethings 'pag naging boss ka na. identity - kung saan ka makikilala, ito ang product ng lahat ng mga naging decisions mo sa buhay. legacy - patunay na hindi ka naging makasarili buong buhay mo; na nabuhay ka for something or someone.
Lahat na yata ng 20-something na kilala ko ngayon ay may identity crisis or something like that. i can imagine noon madali lang ang buhay dahil kokonti lang ang choices - career or pamilya, yun lang. at kokonti lang nag-iisip about career. lahat gusto magka-pamilya. ngayon, pati career may options na rin. yung kursong natapos mo will not necessarily be related to your future. ang diploma hindi na assurance for a job. kung pamilya naman ang pipiliin mo, marriage is not an assurance na tatagal kayo ng asawa mo. at pwede na magka-pamilya nang walang asawa. amazing what time can do to our society.
lahat din yata ng 20-something na kilala ko ngayon ay feeling kulang ang oras nila. kung tutuusin, hindi na pwedeng dagdagan ang oras. fixed yan, 24 hours lang talaga. saan ba nauubos ang oras nila? actually, hindi rin pwedeng maubos ang oras. fixed yan, bukas may 24 hours ulit. going back to the [rephrased] question, "saan ba nagagamit ang oras nila?" sa trabaho. sa pamilya. sa pag-unwind with friends dahil sa nakakapagod na trabaho. sa sex. ngayon lang yata ako nagbanggit ng sex sa blog ko. hahaha. sa lovelife. oo, aksaya talaga sa oras ang lovelife. sa pagnanais pa lang na magkaroon ng partner, ang daming oras na ang nasasayang. getting-to-know-you, dating, MU, relationship, break-up, minsan marriage. pero hindi na assurance ang pagkakaroon ng bf o gf na makakasal ka. sa dami ng pwedeng gawin, pwedeng hindi na matulog ang tao.
halos lahat din ng kakilala kong 20-something na nagta-trabaho ay feeling mas magaling sila sa boss nila or at least they think they can do better [given the same exposure and number of years on the job]. pero who really knows what's better? sa tingin ko dala lang yan ng age gap, stress at power. lahat nun ay directly proportional to time. hmmm, it makes me think: magiging ganun din kaya mga pananaw naten sa buhay kung tumanda tayo? lalamunin kaya tayo ng sistema kung nasa authority din tayo? palagay ko oo. at palagay ko sila rin dati ay feeling mas magaling sa mga bosses nila.
ang mga kakilala kong 20-something ay hindi nakakaipon. actually, nag-iipon sila, short term nga lang. ipon pang-bakasyon, pang-cellphone, pang-gimik, pang-date, pang-aral, pang-japorms. mas madali kase 'yon makuha compared sa pang-business, pension o bahay. ikaw, kelan ka mag-iisip bumili ng bahay? nanay ko nagka-bahay na noong 24 years old sya. ako ay 24 years old na, pero kahit hulugan hindi ko kaya. siguro dahil na rin sa ating economy. aside from pinapataas nito ang mga presyo ng bilihin, pinapaisip pa tayong mag-migrate sa ibang bansa. nakakawalang ganang mag-invest for the future sa kasalukuyang kalagayan ng Pilipinas.
karamihan ng mga 20-something na kilala ko ay feeling na mabilis silang tumanda. yung iba, kino-convince pa ang mga sarili nila na part pa rin sila ng "youth" by wearing clothes not appropriate their age o by acting like teenagers. and why not? it's a free world. pero yun na nga eh. dahil pinipigilan mo ang sarili mong mag-grow, when you get back to reality, akala mo isang dekada na ang dumaan na hindi mo namalayan. ergo, kala mo mabilis ka tumanda. ang tanong, may pinagka-tandaan ka ba?
memories, wisdom, identity, legacy... yun ang dapat pagka-tandaan natin. ito ang mga reasons kung bakit kailangan nating dumaan sa masalimuot na 20-something stage. memories - para may may maaalala ka at ang mga nakapaligid sayo pagtanda mo; mga nangyari na kapupulutan ng aral. wisdom - para may mapapangaral ka sa mga future 20-somethings 'pag naging boss ka na. identity - kung saan ka makikilala, ito ang product ng lahat ng mga naging decisions mo sa buhay. legacy - patunay na hindi ka naging makasarili buong buhay mo; na nabuhay ka for something or someone.
Wednesday, June 8
FTIOE
(for the information of everybody)
Plan B is terminated. i'm going back to Plan A. hindi kaya ng oras at bulsa ko. backout. retreat. i'm waving the white flag this early. i'm not really the kind who gives up easily. fight kung fight... but i know, realistically speaking, i can't win this battle.
what is Plan B? Plan B is Law School. i took the entrance exam of ateneo de davao law school last may 21. sabi ko kay Lord, kung para sa akin 'to, kahit ipag-entrance exam nya lang ako. that was the last day of all entrance exam days. bahala na. hindi naman ako bobo 'no! papasa siguro ako. after a week, i got my test result. 725/800, 99 percentile rank. i even got perfect (800/800) in critical thinking! it's a sign! i should enroll... now na!
...pero hindi pala yun ganun kadali. a sem's tutition is almost P21,000. that's almost half of my sem's salary in ateneo. yes, teaching is not a lucrative job. books: an average of P1,000 a volume (according to the dean)... and God knows what else can be demanded by the course! classes are from 5-9 pm everyday. exams on saturdays. for this sem, i'm handling arki thesis class (again!), which extends untill 7:30 (TTh). i have a whole day class at UP mindanao every saturdays. ano yun, hindi ko na lang papasukan? if i prioritize law school over work, that's stupidity. clearly, i have no choice. up goes the white flag.
ako na ang humihingi ng paumanhin sa mga kaibigan kong hindi ko sinabihan tungkol sa plano kong ito (lalo na kay Jazzie). you guys couldn't help me anyhow. i dug this abysmal hole of depression by myself. kala ko, "this is it!" now i'm drowning with frustration. i guess the greatest consolation i got from this is to know i'm good in critical thinking... and i was able to apply it in this situation.
when i tried to enroll myself last week [hoping i could twist some arms], i queued with this rich-looking chinese girl ready to enroll herself in law school. i peeped through her documents and saw her exam results. she has 54%-ile rank, enrolled under probationary status. well, she has money to pay for law school. she need not work to pay for anything else. how lucky!
(for the information of everybody)
Plan B is terminated. i'm going back to Plan A. hindi kaya ng oras at bulsa ko. backout. retreat. i'm waving the white flag this early. i'm not really the kind who gives up easily. fight kung fight... but i know, realistically speaking, i can't win this battle.
what is Plan B? Plan B is Law School. i took the entrance exam of ateneo de davao law school last may 21. sabi ko kay Lord, kung para sa akin 'to, kahit ipag-entrance exam nya lang ako. that was the last day of all entrance exam days. bahala na. hindi naman ako bobo 'no! papasa siguro ako. after a week, i got my test result. 725/800, 99 percentile rank. i even got perfect (800/800) in critical thinking! it's a sign! i should enroll... now na!
...pero hindi pala yun ganun kadali. a sem's tutition is almost P21,000. that's almost half of my sem's salary in ateneo. yes, teaching is not a lucrative job. books: an average of P1,000 a volume (according to the dean)... and God knows what else can be demanded by the course! classes are from 5-9 pm everyday. exams on saturdays. for this sem, i'm handling arki thesis class (again!), which extends untill 7:30 (TTh). i have a whole day class at UP mindanao every saturdays. ano yun, hindi ko na lang papasukan? if i prioritize law school over work, that's stupidity. clearly, i have no choice. up goes the white flag.
ako na ang humihingi ng paumanhin sa mga kaibigan kong hindi ko sinabihan tungkol sa plano kong ito (lalo na kay Jazzie). you guys couldn't help me anyhow. i dug this abysmal hole of depression by myself. kala ko, "this is it!" now i'm drowning with frustration. i guess the greatest consolation i got from this is to know i'm good in critical thinking... and i was able to apply it in this situation.
when i tried to enroll myself last week [hoping i could twist some arms], i queued with this rich-looking chinese girl ready to enroll herself in law school. i peeped through her documents and saw her exam results. she has 54%-ile rank, enrolled under probationary status. well, she has money to pay for law school. she need not work to pay for anything else. how lucky!