The name is Elaine or Ien or Pssst or Hoy ...or whatever suits you
...from the city of Davao
...26 with fine lines and wrinkles already
...short-haired, two-eyed na! (thanks to constact lenses), right-handed, flat-footed
...wants to be a Buddhist and a United Nations interpreter someday
...confused about life in general
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Wednesday, June 22
Thinking Out Loud [Depressed Version]
'been slacking the past few days. suddenly long-term goals have been flushed out of my system. i guess thinking [and preparing] for plan B made me forget some of my old goals. back to the drawing board kumbaga. schematic phase ulit! grrr...
maybe part of the slacker attitude can be blamed to my schedule. i'm so deloaded. TThS whole day classes... that's all the work i got. it makes me feel like an imbecile, a worthless potential. i wake up early on workdays and even earlier (around 5am) on my personal holidays (MWF that is). but that's that... i just wake up to a gloomy life. does this validate my "28-years-old theory"?
i'm thinking i'll be dead by age 28. i had that thoery since 2nd year college. in fact, most of my decisions now are based on that thoery. twisted, but i can say it's pretty possible.
my mom used to tell me to watch my diet, exercise, sleep early... blah, blah. in short, wag abusuhin katawan ko. if i'm gonna die young, at least i was able to eat what i want, do whatever i desire, and never held back on something. health and beauty is the last of my priorities. if i'm going to die because i had an early heart attack [because of too much cholesterol or alcohol] or premature overdose of something, i know i'm ready. if other people think i'm ugly and i don't get married in this lifetime, i'll be ok. besides, how many women nowadays get married before 28? not a lot. at least if i'd ever get to be rich or famous before death, i know it's more than skin-deep.
it could also be quite a consolation that i did not proceed with law school. i wouldn't be able to finish anyway or make a name out of it. i'll be dead before i can take the bar exams. they say it takes 20 years for an architect to be recognized. i'm giving myself four years to be a locsin or manosa, beat that! but i found a better opportunity... i am going to produce locsins and manosas through teaching. and when i die (and every death anniversary thereafter), they will all be visiting my grave. how's that for plan A?!
when i die, i would have paid my pension plan completely and have saved enough so my parents wont think i've abandoned them in their twilight years. i'll give it all back to them. even the doodles, paintings, sculptures, lyrics of uncomposed songs, manusripts of my unpublished books will be given to them... to make up for a future without me. and the rest of the world would have to settle with that too.
now i remember my long-term goal. i would have to "unslack" very soon. 28 years is not a long wait.
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