Stupid Mouth


The name is Elaine or Ien or Pssst or Hoy ...or whatever suits you

...from the city of Davao

...26 with fine lines and wrinkles already

...short-haired, two-eyed na! (thanks to constact lenses), right-handed, flat-footed

...wants to be a Buddhist and a United Nations interpreter someday

...confused about life in general

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Tuesday, May 17

Change of Plans

how many plans do you have for your life? or do you even plan at all? i know of people who are so tired of frustration that they'd rather "go with the flow" and cease to be the captain of their ships. i, too, had thought of doing just that. after graduation, when my "Plan A" didn't work out (that is to get an architectural job in a firm), i made other people steer my wheel and forgot all about my "Plan B." surely, i accomplished my parents' ultimatum to pass the board. and yeah, i did meet wonderful people along the way. but lately i noticed no one's steering my wheel anymore. it feels like college life in UP all over again -- such overwhelming freedom. now, where will i go from here? study MArch, work abroad, work for NGO, or follow my passion? sounds like giveaway to me.

d'you know that feeling when you keep praying for a sign (nothing in particular, just something that will make you feel it's a sign) and then out of the blue it's there? whoa! Plan B's sign is there!! or that feeling when you deliberately avoid a subject/topic, yet it still keeps popping out of conversations, in books you read, in Game Ka Na Ba, in everything?!! ooops, there's Plan B again! that feeling haunts me for 3 years now.

"Plan B" is my passion. when i was in gradeschool, i used to answer in slum books and autographs that my ambition is to be an architect and "Plan B". in high school, my mom came home from a trip and bought me a shirt with the definition of "Plan B". it made me think she's probably brainwashing me to become one. during my freshman year in college, one of my teachers told me i'd make a good "Plan B". since 2002, i've been asking for an application form for "Plan B" every year, but always too chicken to continue. if i had to tell every instance i bumped with "Plan B", blogger's bandwidth won't be enough.

so what will i do then? i read Ferdz's blog entry on being uncomfortable with being comfortable. ditto. and like him, i can't be a dreamer forever. kaya nga idol ko si Ferdz! i'm seizing this lifetime! i'm going to Plan B.

just like my good friend Alan, i will keep Plan B to myself for now. i'm still working on it. by the start of the schoolyear, i'll post the big news (if it gets realized) and i hope everyone will be happy for me.

PS - no, i'm not getting married... not in a hundred years!

capt. backfire at 3:08 PM

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