Stupid Mouth


The name is Elaine or Ien or Pssst or Hoy ...or whatever suits you

...from the city of Davao

...26 with fine lines and wrinkles already

...short-haired, two-eyed na! (thanks to constact lenses), right-handed, flat-footed

...wants to be a Buddhist and a United Nations interpreter someday

...confused about life in general

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Monday, January 24

It's Back normal. yehey! after 3 weeks of looking for a good blog layout, i'm back to my black and blue skin. what really happened was that i accidentally deleted some important codes from the template when i erased some links. i was trying to look for the original code from blogskins [and even searched for blogs with similar skins], but i couldn't find "the code." i facelifted this blog several times with baduy layouts, but just couldn't be happy with any of them. charing! parang lovelife eh no? so, i decided to chop-chop codes from different layouts until i got this back. lesson of the story: do not erase links!

...and so i was forced to hibernate again. but it's ok, there's really not much updating needed. right now, i'm dwindling in all aspects of life. that can be expected since i always believe my life will end 3 years from now. it would have been easier to accept this situation if it only concerns me. but i feel i'm failing the people around me too. i'm failing my students for not checking their papers on time and not submitting prelim grades. i'm failing my sister for being so stubborn and praning lately. i'm trying not to fail my friends because i know they're going through a lot worse coming from reviewing, taking the exams, and waiting for the results. i'm failing my orgmates (from the professional org, that is) for not releasing last month's newsletter. i'm failing clients and colleagues for not keeping my word most of the time. i'm failing my other job for not showing up in the office anymore. i want to compose myself again, but i will be needing time for that and time is something i don't have right now. aaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!

i've read about other people's miseries in their blogs and it must have conditioned my mind that i should be in the same situation. sometimes i feel i should be feeling worse because i don't have a normal working schedule and i always have take-home work and i'm underpaid and i don't have a "normal" architectural career and i am in no position to teach simply because i don't have "enough" experience and i don't have a lovelife and i'm not with my family or my friends and i am not going to church anymore and blah, blah, blah... now i feel worse. this is the reason why i haven't been blogging and reading blogs for a while. i don't want to hear good or bad news, happy or sad stories, failure or success etchos because i'll be reflecting on my life as well. and these rantings will just come out again. oh yeah, it's back... my blog and my dismal life is back.

capt. backfire at 9:30 AM

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