Stupid Mouth


The name is Elaine or Ien or Pssst or Hoy ...or whatever suits you

...from the city of Davao

...26 with fine lines and wrinkles already

...short-haired, two-eyed na! (thanks to constact lenses), right-handed, flat-footed

...wants to be a Buddhist and a United Nations interpreter someday

...confused about life in general

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Sunday, November 21

Feeling Weird

I woke up really early today. 5:30am to be exact. The chapter has a scheduled coastal clean-up at Brgy. Daliao in Toril. Toril is like an hour away from Ecoland (where I live), that's without traffic... But wait! We don't have traffic here nga pala. hehehe... Anyway, because of too much waiting-for-whoever and im-on-my-way excuses, we came late for the clean-up. The residents have already gone to the baranggay hall for the SWM MOA signing. So, we just posed for documantation pics and do our own little clean-up here and there. It felt weird to do something like this. I really can't say why, but it feels weird.

As if it doesn't get weirder, my sister flew to Manila, leaving me and Ate Lala until God-knows-when. Starting tomorrow, she will be working at El Nido after working almost 3 years in Marco Polo Hotel. For professional growth she says, but I dunno. I mean I honestly think Davao can be boring sometimes. Life here is too simple. But hello!!! She's going to El Nido! Like it's not a city! Like there's no mall or sari-sari store even because it's a private island resort! Like she'll be alone there, with no family! Like can life be less boring there than Davao?! When did professional growth mean getting a simpler life or lifestyle? I know it'll feel weird at home in the coming days. Yesterday I heard myself telling Ate Lala, "O 'wag na tayo mag-away. Tayo na lang andito, mag-aaway pa ba tayo? *Goosebumps*

I watched VCD the whole day. I gotta watch everything I borrowed last week at Video City... para naman hindi sayang ang babayaran kong fine. I watched "Before Sunrise" starring Ethan Hawke and some girl. Something about their conversations made me want to pursue another "project". In the movie, two Viennese guys, who are not professional actors, are starring in a play... just for fun. Again it made me feel weird because i don't have that "just for fun" aspect in my life right now. Yes, I teach and do research and join orgs and blog and all of those seemed fun, but it's more for "professional growth" [as my sister would put it]. I want to act in a play. I want to be a star player of a certain sport. I want to direct a puppet show. I want to get injuries because I dance. And it feels weird to want these things because it makes me think I still don't know what I want in life. Why do I entertain such thoughts, when I know what I should be doing for the next couple years and what I ought to be doing right now? Does that mean, subliminally, I'm not having fun? Aaaaarrrggghhhh! Weird...

capt. backfire at 10:25 PM

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